Fear

The door is locked
You are waiting on the other side
Begging me to let you in
To give you a chance.
It has been to long
We have come so far
Yet, Im still scare
I cant give in just yet.
You deserved much better
Someone that isnt afraid
That doesnt hurt you
That loves you as much as you love me.
Is not that I dont want you
Because I do.
Its just that it wouldnt work
I would screw it up.
You would give up on me
And leave me with my missery
With my loneliness
Alone
Not scary at all, right?
Im telling all this
But you wont believe
So I start walking father from the door
For your own good
While I can hear ur voice
Still outside
Telling me otherwise.
Suddenly you stop
I wait for your voice
Nothing
This is just another one of your games
So I wait longer
Still silence
I worry
I run to the door
Hopping to see you there
Hopping you are just testing me
Hopping that my biggest fear hasnt come true.
I open it.

untitle

Is dark, one more night, one less to go. You lay in bed, a cigarrete in hand, a book on the side, your sight lost in your thoughts. Your sad face doesnt seem to change but still I keep on trying to make it ok, even thought you and I both know what I do is worthless, it is destroyed by the distance. Life goes by and you dont give much of a thought to it; you come and go, you give and take, you cry and laugh; you just dont give a damn. You are willingly going to tour selfcreated worst case scenario and I pretent to make a difference, I pretent to fill in the emptyness with words when you need actions. That makes me sick, to want you so bad and not be able to do anything about it and to make our paths crossed at some point.
Sometimes you seem to care, you seem to let go and put yourself out there; but most of the times you do not. I try my best to hold it together, I tell myself you will give in and that hope keeps me going a bit longer; other times I even try to let you go enough so that your indifference doesnt hurt me that much, but as everything else it doesnt work.
Now it has been too long, I have never cared about someone this much for this long. It is about time we change, I want to change your loneliness, your sadness, your perspectives. I want to help you get your goals, I want to fill your days with smiles and love, I want to have you in my arms and whisper in your ear how much I love you.
Yet you are still in bed, staring at the nothing, in company of your memories wishing to create new ones. Pen in hand you let your sadness out. I dont know if you think of me but if you do it is not enough to make change your mind or at least make you smile.