The encounter

I dont need to say a word for you can read my mind. You look me in the eyes and you look into my soul and heart. There is nothing I cant hide from those deep blue sea eyes. I´m speechless, nervous, scare, yet I´m amazed, exited, on the edge; then I ask myself, why use words when a simple touch can express your deepest desires? So I did, only it wasn´t one touch, I couldnt stop, you didnt want me to stop, so why fight it instead of just give in? My finger tips moving slow from your finger tips to your palm to your arm, drawing in your skin shapes that could only be interpreted by your goosebumps and heavy breathing. By the time my fingers reached your neck and were making their way down your back, your lips were looking for mine, but mine were too busy giving your neck a first taste. I became a curious risky stranger in a foreign land full of surprises.
And so this became the first chapter of our life. I wonder how it will end.

Lo que queda...

Todo lo q queda son solo pedazos, polvo, cenizas, un algo y un nada.
en que momento te di mi todo?
en que moment tomaste el contol?
el estar sin ti era estar muerta
era no tener nada, era sentir el dolor mas intenso y la unica manera de detenerlo era el solo sentirte a mi lado.
renuncie a mi vida x ti...te di todo mi corazon..mis sueños...deseos....metas y lagrimas
y lo unico q hiciste fue aprovecharte.....tomar solo lo q te servia y desachar el resto...dejandome solo el dolor.
no tenia refugio, estaba expuesta a tu voluntad..nose como pude darte tanto.....
pero es q con tan una sonrisa me llenabas.....no nesecitaba mas nada.
al final te convertiste en mi refugio el cual fue el q al contrario de protegerme...me llevo a m propia perdicion.
yo se q te heri,
pero la verdad es q te amaba con toda mi alma.
entonces porq hice lo q hice?
aun no lo se... y a lo mejor ya es de poca importancia.
todos esos momentos...esas miradas...palabras...besos....caricias......todo fue una farza....
todo lo bueno, malo, las risas, las tristesas, el canto, las lagrimas....
todo lo q compartimos se convirtio en los recuerdos q ahora me hacen sufrir.
al irte...al decidir tomar otro camino, te llevaste mis ezperanzas....mi ilusion......mis sentimientos...mi corazon...mi tiempo..
y me dejaste con nada excepto com puras lagrimas, las cuales aun estoy derramando y probablemente nunca cesare de hacerlo.
me dejaste sin un sueño o un vago deseo...me destrozaste por completo.
entonces porq despues de todo este daño todavia te extraño?
porq extraño tu voz...tu mirada...tu cuerpo...tu todo...?
porq todavia no puedo sacarme tu recuerdo?..un recuerdo q todavia no me deja en paz.
porq todavia eres el unico q puedes hecerme sentir todo y nada,..el unico que me quita el aliento con tan solo un pensar,..un recuerdo,..un momento...uno de esos tantos q vivimos en tan poco tiempo...pero los cuales el pasar del tiempo nunca opacara ni borrara.
y ahora aqui estoy, todavia llorando, todavia recordandote, todavia herida y muerta por dentro.....solo queriendo sacarte por completo..
pero como hacerlo cuando cada cancion me lleva a esos momentos, a esos instantes en los cuales eramos felices,
en los cuales un beso lo decia todo y una mirada me daba vida..una ilusion...esperanza...me dabas todo.
como puedo olvidar a la unaica persona q me enseño y me hizo sentir lo que es el amor?
a la unica persona que me ha hecho realmente feliz?
a la unica persona que me quitaba la vida con su ausencia?
algunas personas dicen que el no sentir es no vivir...si esto es verdad entonces todavia eres tu la razon de mi existencia,
porq en este ahora, en esta realidad donde no siento nada, y nada vale o me hace sentido,....
son tus recuerdos los que me hacen sentir algo..ya sea dolor en este caso por el hecho de que no te encuentras a mi lado...q no te puedo sentir..tocar...nisiquiera ver....
Aveces siento como si llevara una doble vida...
una en la que pretendo o trato de vivir en esta realidad..en el ahora..en el cual soy solo un cadaver ambulante
en busca de una razon para dejar de serlo....
Y otra en donde la ilusion..los recuerdos..los deseos..y los sentimientos se unen para hacerme sentir viva en la nada..un lugar no existente..
donde se encuentra el dolor y una ilusion frustrada guiada por sentimientos de amor y culpa.

Entonces que hacer?
sentirme viva en agonia..en un lugar solo existente en mi locura?
o.....vivir la realidad en el ahora pero muerta..sin nada en mi ser...sin un futuro al cual por lo menos tener la ilusion de recorrer?

Coming to an end

11/16/2007
Coming to and End
A wall is all i can see
a dead end
a closed path ahead,
but direction reflects no change.

Hope is the guide,
senses are ignore
and reality an illusion.

Curiosity leads,
fear holds back
while expectation is the mediator.

The past calls from time to time,
temptation is easy to the eyes,
hard to avoid what your heart longs for the most.

The road narrows,
obstacles become endless,
time no longer exists.
Day and night is all there is.

Life loses meaning,
the past no longer calss,
it takes longer for me to see the light,
desires vanish along with the lack of time.

Done.
Existance is just a memory
to those that showed love.
Everything becomes dust
and eternity becomes reality.

Gone...

The night is cold, dark and Im alone.It seems like so long agoThe last morning I woke up by your side,The last night we shared my bed,The last sunset we welcomed lost in each other´s lust,The last touch that meant more than words,The last time I said I love you and meant it,The last time I saw your face, your smile, your eyes and couldn't wait to make you mine again.Now it´s all gone,The days aren´t endless anymore,The dream of seeing you again doesn't torment me that often,The need of having you isn´t as strong.Yes, I am with someone new and so are you,And although I neither want you nor need youI can not seem to forget you, to leave you behind and recover that piece of my heart.

Wanted

I wanted to go farther than the stars
I wanted to take you where your mind never could.
Keeping up with you was never easy
The harder you were, the deeper i fell.
Confusion shadowed my thoughts
The old me got lost at some point along the way
And I couldn´t care less.
Everything that surrounded me was a blur
Everything except you.
Nothing meant much
But you.
I wonder if you ever noticed
How my eyes got blinded by your beauty
How my voice cracked when I felt your hand brush against mine
How everything seemed to dissapear when you were at my sight
How after so long I still feel the same way as I felt
When I saw you for the first time.
I wonder if you know
I love you.

Fear

The door is locked
You are waiting on the other side
Begging me to let you in
To give you a chance.
It has been to long
We have come so far
Yet, Im still scare
I cant give in just yet.
You deserved much better
Someone that isnt afraid
That doesnt hurt you
That loves you as much as you love me.
Is not that I dont want you
Because I do.
Its just that it wouldnt work
I would screw it up.
You would give up on me
And leave me with my missery
With my loneliness
Alone
Not scary at all, right?
Im telling all this
But you wont believe
So I start walking father from the door
For your own good
While I can hear ur voice
Still outside
Telling me otherwise.
Suddenly you stop
I wait for your voice
Nothing
This is just another one of your games
So I wait longer
Still silence
I worry
I run to the door
Hopping to see you there
Hopping you are just testing me
Hopping that my biggest fear hasnt come true.
I open it.

untitle

Is dark, one more night, one less to go. You lay in bed, a cigarrete in hand, a book on the side, your sight lost in your thoughts. Your sad face doesnt seem to change but still I keep on trying to make it ok, even thought you and I both know what I do is worthless, it is destroyed by the distance. Life goes by and you dont give much of a thought to it; you come and go, you give and take, you cry and laugh; you just dont give a damn. You are willingly going to tour selfcreated worst case scenario and I pretent to make a difference, I pretent to fill in the emptyness with words when you need actions. That makes me sick, to want you so bad and not be able to do anything about it and to make our paths crossed at some point.
Sometimes you seem to care, you seem to let go and put yourself out there; but most of the times you do not. I try my best to hold it together, I tell myself you will give in and that hope keeps me going a bit longer; other times I even try to let you go enough so that your indifference doesnt hurt me that much, but as everything else it doesnt work.
Now it has been too long, I have never cared about someone this much for this long. It is about time we change, I want to change your loneliness, your sadness, your perspectives. I want to help you get your goals, I want to fill your days with smiles and love, I want to have you in my arms and whisper in your ear how much I love you.
Yet you are still in bed, staring at the nothing, in company of your memories wishing to create new ones. Pen in hand you let your sadness out. I dont know if you think of me but if you do it is not enough to make change your mind or at least make you smile.